


Slow Days

by curlock



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Angst, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-30
Updated: 2013-08-30
Packaged: 2017-12-25 03:49:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/948283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/curlock/pseuds/curlock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock is gone, and John can't let go. </p><p>  <em> Slow days go one by one, but you have no returning. </em></p>
            </blockquote>





	Slow Days

_29 June, 2012_

_21:38_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

Hey, um.. I, shit, Sher... I... You... Why'd you do it? I had so many things I still needed to tell you.

 

_29 June, 2012_

_22:01_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

I'm sorry I never told you. But you knew, right? I mean, you must have. You were my best friend.

 

_30 June, 2012_

_9:03_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

It's me again. I know it's pointless, what I'm doing, but this, calling you... uhm... it makes me feel as if you can still hear me, you know? Like you're listening somewhere... You broke me, you know that? I'm a mess. Somehow you kept me together. Put me back together again.

 

_1 July, 2012_

_13:42_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

I hate you.

 

_1 July, 2012_

_13:54_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

I didn't mean that.

 

_1 July, 2012_

_23:51_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

I'm drunk, Sher. Me. Can you believe it? Hah, me. I've never enjoyed alcohol, don't know why. 'Cause of Harry, probably. Anyway... just wanted to tell you I love you.

 

_2 July, 2012_

_13:29_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

Bugger, my head hurts... but I meant what I said, Sher. I really did. I should've told you before.

 

_3 July, 2012_

_17:20_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

Lestrade sent me that video he filmed of you, when Irene had drugged you. I laughed and cried.

 

_3 July, 2012_

_17:31_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

That's all I seem to do lately.

 

_4 July, 2012_

_19:11_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

Come back to me.

 

_5 July, 2012_

_20:01_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

I miss you.

 

_5 July, 2012_

_20:10_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

I even miss your bloody experiments.

 

_6 July, 2012_

_18:37_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

Please come put severed heads in our fridge.

 

_6 July, 2012_

_19:03_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

I'll even let you microwave a foot, if you want to.

 

_6 July, 2012_

_19:12_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

Or an eyeball. You liked experimenting with eyeballs. We could boil them this time.

 

_7 July, 2012_

_15:13_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

It's too quiet here. Too empty.

 

_8 July, 2012_

_17:32_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

I never really noticed how prominent you'd become in my life. You were the most important thing I had. But you knew that, right?

 

_9 July, 2012_

_11:38_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

I promise I'll never go on a date and leave you again, Sherlock. Just come back, and I'll always be here to take care of you in case you forget to do it yourself.

 

_10 July, 2012_

_14:21_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

Come back, Sherlock.

 

_11 July, 2012_

_8:47_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

I keep making two mugs of tea. I keep forgetting you're not here. Why aren't you here, Sherlock?

 

_11 July, 2012_

_8:53_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

I smashed the second mug.

 

_12 July, 2012_

_14:59_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

You're an idiot.

 

_13 July, 2012_

_9:07_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

I slept in your bed again. I keep doing that, these days. You don't mind, do you...? Of course not. You're dead.

 

_13 July, 2012_

_9:30_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

Don't be dead, Sherlock.

 

_14 July, 2012_

_16:02_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

It's been a month, now. Thought you should know.

 

_15 July, 2012_

_13:51_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

You were my miracle all along.

 

_16 July, 2012_

_13:35_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

I don't do anything these days. I just sit here, in our flat. Though, technically, I suppose it's my flat, now, even though I haven't paid the rent for weeks now. I don't know why Mrs. Hudson hasn't thrown me out yet... She pities me, I reckon... I don't seem to care either way.

 

_16 July, 2012_

_14:52_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

It'll always be _our_ flat.

 

_17 July, 2012_

_18:29_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

Some days I feel like you're still here, you know. I can hear your breathing. I can hear you typing away on your phone... You're everywhere, these days.

 

_18 July, 2012_

_15:18_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

Stop haunting me.

 

_19 July, 2012_

_07:23_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

Don't stop haunting me.

 

_20 July, 2012_

_08:41_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

Mrs. Hudson caught me crying over two mugs of tea again. I suppose I should be embarrassed, but I can't find it in me. She thinks me a mourning widow, you know. She never did believe me when I said we weren't a couple. Were we?

 

_20 July, 2012_

_18:09_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

What were we, Sherlock?

 

_20 July, 2012_

_21:36_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

Doesn't matter anymore. It's just me here, now. And I know perfectly well what I am.

 

_20 July, 2012_

_21:45_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

I'm sodding broken, Sherlock.

 

_21 July, 2012_

_15:15_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

Are you happy, Sherlock? Are you happy there? Wherever 'there' is.

 

_22 July, 2012_

_22:41_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

I would've jumped with you.

 

_23 July, 2012_

_01:22_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

I should've been there for you, with you.

 

_23 July, 2012_

_20:52_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

I wore your coat again. I made them give it to me, after... You know. After. It's too long for me, but I don't care. It still smells like you.

 

_24 July, 2012_

_11:49_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

Come home.

 

_25 July, 2012_

_09:04_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

I hope you haven't forgotten me up there. Because I haven't. I'll never forget you.

 

_26 July, 2012_

_12:33_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

It feels worse than the bullet wound.

 

_27 July, 2012_

_21:42_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

I don't know how long I can go on like this.

 

_27 July, 2012_

_21:57_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

What am I supposed to do, Sherlock? I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore.

 

_28 July, 2012_

_16:38_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

Lestrade asked me out for lunch today. I declined. Can't look at him. Can't look at any of them.

 

_28 July, 2012_

_18:21_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

Sally talked to me, you know. After... She said sorry. Can you believe it? After all she said about you, now she says sorry. I walked away from her. You would have smiled at me.

 

_29 July, 2012_

_13:03_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

I always liked it when you smiled at me. It made me feel like I was special, you know... Because you never smiled at anyone like that. You only smiled for cases, when you needed someone to give you something, but even then, it was different. And then you smiled at  _me._ Sometimes you did it when you thought I wasn't looking, but I was. I always was.

 

_29 July, 2012_

_17:54_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

Come smile at me again.

 

_30 July, 2012_

_22:48_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

I'm drunk again. Ha. I'm turning into Harry. Shame. You made me happy, you know that, right? I mean... My life was perfect with you in it. I didn't need Sarah, or Jeanette, I only needed you. I need you Sherlock. Please come back. I need you. I love you. I love you so fucking much.

 

_6 August, 2012_

_14:42_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

Can you believe it? Mrs. Hudson took my phone. She heard me call you when I was drunk. I think she heard it all. She came in and she just looked... She had tears in her eyes, Sherlock. _I_ made her cry. I was crying, too, but because of you. Because you're an arse, Sherlock. You left me. Mrs. Hudson hugged me, and I cried. Should I be embarrassed about crying so much? I think I should. But I'm not, because it's you I cry about. And I’m not embarrassed about how much you meant to me. How much you still mean to me.

 

_6 August, 2012_

_14:51_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

Maybe I cry because when my eyes are blurry, it seems like you're still there, in front of me. Like you're ready to sweep by with your dramatic night gown and say how pathetic I am for crying like that, because you're not really gone.

 

_6 August, 2012_

_14:59_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

But you are, aren't you. You're gone, and I can feel myself fading, too.

 

_7 August, 2012_

_20:13_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

I won't last long. I haven't eaten today, not a bite. I haven’t been eating properly for a while, now. Food just doesn’t seem worth it, anymore. Not even tea. I don't think there are any proper mugs left, anyway. I've broken them all. 

 

_8 August, 2012_

_13:27_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

I'll be with you soon.

 

_8 August, 2012_

_14:59_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

I've planned it all. I'm going to jump, like you.

 

_8 August, 2012_

_13:31_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

It's poetic, in a way, isn't it? Romantic. You’d have something to say about that, I’m sure. Well, I’ll hear it all soon, won’t I?

 

_9 August, 2012_

_15:15_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

I've a few days left, so I've taken the time to say what I need to. I thanked Mrs. Hudson on behalf of both of us. She cried. I nearly did, too. I think she knows what I've planned. I talked to Lestrade, too. Even Sally. I told her I forgave her, even though I'm not sure I do. 

 

_10 August, 2012_

_00:01_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

These remaining days, I plan to tell you what I've wanted to say for a long time, and what I should have said a long time ago. 

 

_10 August, 2012_

_7:45_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

I love you, Sherlock. I love you I love you I love you.

 

_11 August, 2012_

_14:22_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

I love you so much. I wish I'd told you that when I still had you.

 

_12 August, 2012_

_21:21_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you.

 

_13 August, 2012_

_18:37_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

I love you.

 

_14 August, 2012_

_15:17_

_You've reached the voicemail of Sherlock Holmes. I can't come to the phone now, so leave a message, and don't be boring._

I'll see you soon, Sherlock.


End file.
